Assorted Weirdos from Another Planet

1. The Lanipus Rabbit- small, furry, usually found on the planet Lanipus (aka “Rabbit Land”). Believes Womble is some sort of root vegetable. Enjoys smoking, drinking large quantities of carrot tequila and eating root vegetables. Does not enjoy Splicers/anyone resembling one.

2. Homeless Helper- average height, Time Lord, usually found near the Tardis (aka “the magic blue box”). Believes Womble is a psychological curiosity. Enjoys long-coats, top-hats and unusual novelties. Does not enjoy unwarranted nicknames that are entirely based on an assumption about people who wear top-hats.

3. Womble- average height, Time Less, usually found comatose. Believes Homeless Helper is in denial over his motives for wearing a top-hat. Enjoys leather jackets, umbrellas and the fabled cocktail commonly known as a “Sasquatch Pill”. Does not enjoy the company of things that want to eat him.

4. The Great Intergalactic Prairie Chicken- infinitely proportioned, The Editor, usually found hiding. Believes spelling mistakes are the bane of all existence, theoretical and corporeal. Enjoys the great outdoors, pickled banana and explaining things.  Does not enjoy the notion of being found.

5. Claustrophobic 77thC Martian Archaeologists- Assortment of aged, bearded men, trained in the art of digging and using digging tools in combat. Likes digging and finding treasures, not including anything sent from Earth centuries ago. Does not like scavengers, those associated with scavenging and being proved stupid.

6. Franc- uncertainly proportioned, The Salesman, usually found on a map. Believes that everyone is a customer if they know what’s on special offer. Enjoys the enlightened glow of a solid bargain, and small change. Does not enjoy comparisons with a certain cretin from Sesame Street.

7. Splicer- variably proportioned, The Nutcase, usually found in a large city surrounded by water. Believes that the fancy-dress party never ended. Enjoys talking to itself, attacking strangers, and vending machines. Does not enjoy golf.

8. Big Daddy- heavily proportioned, The Whale Impersonator, usually found in a large city surrounded by water. Believes that there is always a future in childcare. Enjoys walks, moaning, and defending small children. Does not enjoy being slapped.

9. Towels- humanoid, The Smartarse, usually found where no one can find him. Believes that the concept of belief is outdated. Enjoys drinking milk, hiding, and talking like this. Does not enjoy a question he can’t answer.

10. Alice- variably proportioned, Former Creepy Wooden Effigy Thing, usually found surrounded by books. Believes Womble is an idiot. Enjoys musing over whether or not she also exists as a small girl in a red dress in the current story-line. Does not enjoy comments about her weight.

11. Berserker- big, Chuck Norris’ Satanic Lovechild, usually found in a hospital. Believes all things fleshy are edible. Enjoys charging at things and screaming. Does not enjoy calamari.