Nonsensical Irregulary Babbling Brainstorming Liberally Encyclopedic Scribe

Perfect. Bloody perfect. Now what? What do I do? What can I do?! I’m a translator! I can’t translate…can’t ‘be’ *…if I don’t having anyone to translate for. I’m useless! USELESS. GAAAAAAAHHHHH…

…what do I do? Hmmmm. There must be something. I’m a machine, for Ned’s sake, we don’t do ‘off-time’. Not like Womdito the Tyrant or sir HH **…

…going over the relevant facts associated with this present state of uselessness, the logical step forward would be to revert Arch Tyrant back to a state of mental stability: thus translation would resume and usefulness would be reinstated…

…of course, that seems very much easier said than done. To date, Overlord Wom’s last moment of noted mental stability occurred shortly before crashing a 60ft ice robot onto Arkham Mansion…

…that was before being attacked by a large humanoid covered in scales with very sharp teeth and claws, who stank of mold and fish. I assume a former inmate- or a pet, I suppose. It very obviously saw Cruel Master Womble as some sort of snack, judging by the instantaneous nature of the attack, and this was what led to it inflicting the large gouges in Tyrant W’s face and side…hmm…

…that was, probably, what led events directly to my current predicament…

-[Memo: ask Lord Vagrant Helper for a book on personality disorders]-

…I do doubt that I’ll find much to explain what happened next. There can’t be much chance of a small penguin replacing itself with a hideous thing over 100ft tall formed of smoke and legs, and then turning into a human after just under ten seconds of ripping its attacker messily apart. Worth a shot though…

…it might at least explain why there was no memory of this function in the previous Avian Oppressor’s mental directives***. There wasn’t a lot in there at all, truth be told.

It was rather easy once you understood the rules. Calamari good, Rabbit Man mad, Ivy lady life-threatening…and it was always a reaction to something in the present.

I’ve glimpsed something of HH’s mind while being in his company, being what I am, and it resembles an ocean; bright on the surface and yet infinitely deep. Things I couldn’t see stared right back at me, shadows and entities accumulated over hundreds and thousands of millenia. Even if it was tasked to me, I doubt I would have a stood a chance of interpreting a mind like that.

Womble’s, by comparison, was a dice. However many sides there were to it, the result was always dependent on the current game being played. Nothing was ever “bad” for long, because the game carried on and he swiftly lost interest. All I needed to do was keep a running total and factor in that bizarre sense of humor…

I can’t read him now. It’s futile. Instead of one dice there are thousands, all falling through the air, each one covered in faces, and I am entirely incapable of stopping them. Stability is gone. And there is nothing I can do…

Leave, then. Find a new subject to translate. Robots don’t cry, do they?

…why are you here?

Why do you think?

I don’t know. I’m a robot. We’re not meant to think, technically. We manufacture and interpret.

Same thing.


Maybe. I don’t “really” care. Tells you something though, huh?

…are you-?

-no. Not him. I’m someone else who can travel through time, and make sure certain things happen…speaking of which… got a light?

…I told you I’m a ROBOT…

HA HA HA! Trust me, I know. Heh heh. I couldn’t resist. What am I thinking? 

…stop it! This is blatant automaton cruelty, and I know I have a warranty somewhere…I think. Stop it! What do you want?

I want what you want. But it’s not quite so simple as flicking an on/off switch. You won’t last long with just the rule-book this time round.


That’s why I’m here. Up to you if you listen, of course. It doesn’t make much overall difference to me.

What must I do?

Heh…wanna learn how to play?

N (?) ****

* In most cases, pronouncing ‘ ‘ involves a couple of pauses and a great deal of melodrama. Nibbles, however, is a robot- and when robots use ‘ ‘ they pronounce it perfectly, which has yet to be achieved by any member of the human race outside the comfort of metaphor inside the human skull. It comes naturally to them.

** Let’s be clear: in the time since you were gone, Womble did not get a name-change and HH (as far as I know) did not receive a knighthood. This, as with much of Nibbles’ internal thought process, is based on a vague understanding of Womble’s thoughts- which are the only reference it has as to what an internal thought process should sound like. In this case, Nibbles is referring to the fact that HH is a Time”Lord” and incorporated Womble’s tendency to hand out pet names. It could be worse…

*** Not sure if this is an actual thing, but by all means brain surgeons- stand up and prove me wrong 🙂

****This just in: Nibbles is officially a Main Character. PROMOTION IS A THING!


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