Father Christmas: Hullo! So glad you could join us! Please, take a warm drink, something wrapped in pastry, maybe some cold cuts, and pull up an armchair. We’re just waiting for the rest to arrive. Already we have Uncle Thanksgiving, of course, and you know Mother Easter. Here, the in-laws Mother and Father Day. Cousin Halloween is also here, somewhere, I saw him earlier smuggling lollipops into a corner. And then there’s me! Your host, this time every year, Father Christmas.
Yes, it’s funny you should arrive just now, we were just discussing what sort of numbers each of us bring in each year.
Uncle Thanksgiving: Loads come for my feasts.
Father Christmas: Yes, and as I was just saying, the same goes for me.
Mother Easter: Many appreciate my tea, cakes and eggs.
Uncle Thanksgiving: Dear, you’ve just described breakfast. Go back to watering daffodils.
Cousin Halloween: I’ve painted them orange and black!
Father Christmas: As you can see, we’re a bit of a mixed bunch. Often leads to this kind of discussion.
Cousin Halloween: He means disputes. Family disputes, that’s Christmas!
Mother Easter: And rotting teeth, that’s Halloween.
Father Christmas: Quiet, you two. Hal, you know that’s not the spirit of Christmas.
Mother&Father Day: It’s the commercialism.
Uncle Thanksgiving: Hark who’s talking.
Mother&Father Day: Implying what?
Uncle Thanksgiving: Mothering Sunday? Father’s Day? It’s no sense of family unitary, it’s a last minute scavenge for chocolate or tacky ties.
Cousin Halloween: Christmas!
Father Christmas: Family, please! Show a little more Christmas spirit.
Uncle Thanksgiving: Vodka or whiskey?
Mother Easter: Is there ever an end to your greed?
Uncle Thanksgiving: You’re walking on thin ice, Mother dearest. We’ve all seen the empty chocolate egg boxes. “Ooh, they’ve all been hidden by my pet rabbit.” I believe that as much as his flying reindeer bit.
Father Christmas: *sigh* You see, it’s always hard to keep everyone happy, especially at this time of year.
Father Christmas: Ah, that’ll hopefully be Bonfire Knight. Let’s hope he brought his usual entertainment.
Uncle Thanksgiving: Which you and Nephew New Year just LOVE to borrow.
HH: Hello all! I’ll be Father Time, and this is…Penguin Womble.
HH: And he would like a word with you, Father Christmas.
HH: Best of luck.
*Because who doesn’t love ridiculous, seasonal spouts of creativity at half one in the morning? Thank you, Indigestion!