I’m going to assume, for now, that you exist. Billions of people assume in every second of every day that your son exists, so it won’t hurt if an “adult” starts assuming that you do too. Your welcome. I think. Stay out of my room.
Before I begin The List*, I want to stress that this time I mean it. More than last time. The bike was nice, don’t get me wrong, but it wasn’t a Panzer IV and you damn well know it. This time I have a freakin’ TimeLord at my disposal. Mess up and I will find you, eventually.
WOMBLE’S CHRISTMAS LIST (v. IX)
- A kitten. Plus as many as you can spare. I’ll take them all.
- The penguin for “I am not a penguin. Not in the way you are a penguin.”
- The penguin for “I do not want to dance. Not while I am a penguin. I fall over a lot.”
- The penguin for “He didn’t say that. He said I won’t dance. Ever. His body language is misleading. He’s weird like that.”
- The penguin for “This is not a dance floor. It is an empty patch of iceberg. If you don’t stop tapping your feet it will break and we will all die. Believe me.”
- The penguin for “HH does not speak for me. I am not his friend. We do not know each other.”
- The penguin for “I don’t care what it looks like. That blue thing there is a bus. Anyone can use it.”
- The penguin for “He is giggling at you. You are the funny one. HA HA HA.”
- The penguin for “I DO NOT HAVE HAPPY FEET. They are very tired feet. Dancing will kill them. They are like kittens. You would not enjoy it. Please stop killing them.”
- The Time Lord for “Next year we are visiting the Daleks.”
If you have any regard for your personal wellbeing, you will deliver this year exactly what I have asked for. My feet are in agony. My belly hurts. And I think HH’s face will break if/when that grin gets any bigger…too bad it’s still in the bloody future…
Godspeed Obi Wan- you’re my only hope,
P.S. Merry Christmas y’all 🙂
*His personal one. There’s traditionally only been three- “Naughty”, “Nice”, and one representative of the multitude written by children (and confused adults) that also happens to feature the names of everyone present on the first two lists. Otherwise known as “Greedy”.