*poke poke*

“Geroph! What the-?”

“Quark?” *

“Is this some kind of joke?”


“Aargh! What do you want? I don’t have any fish! Leave me alone!”

“QUARK!” **

“I don’t speak penguin either!! Now piss off, please!”



…for Ned’s sake. This is hopeless- no one bloody speaks penguin around here. Not even Mr bloody Popper. If what he says is true- and honestly, I can’t see a reason why not -this douche clearly isn’t doing his job properly. I don’t know why they put up with him. Maybe out of sympathy. Or fish.

I need a translator, and fast. HH could be literally anywhere, at any time, and he doesn’t stay put for long. We didn’t (and I assume he does it out of habit, rather than some subconscious desire to be the one-man tour guide of Everywhere). How do I find him when practically no one else speaks Quark??

An R2 unit offered to help. That was nice of it, and I said so, but unfortunately I don’t speak R2. I assumed it was offering to help- that or being a douche. I wasn’t in the way of anything. It probably didn’t speak Quark either.

What I could do with is a wizard. They tend to be good at languages. From what I remember, they run away a lot too. Which is fine by me, because the only certainty I have right now is that- wherever HH is -he is most certainly not here. Running off in some random direction might just work. Until we run out of oxygen.

One thing I will say about this body: a lot of fat equals plenty of hopping fuel. I’m surprised fat people don’t hop more often. It’s so…well, natural…although it must be said, so is running. Unless you have legs like mine. Stupid lab man…


Huh? What was that?


Oh…hello Mr Orangutan. My name’s Ook.

“Ook ook.”

Alright, I will shake your hand. And I’ll share a drink. I’ll bet you can’t speak Quark though.

“Oook oook ook-ook.”

…is that a portrait of who I think it is?

“Oook ook.”

Right…why him…?

“Ook ook! Oook ook Ook oook eugh!***”

Y’know, I’m pretty sure I understood that. So, where do we find him?

“Ook ook.”

You have a map. Brilliant. Evil as hell and absolutely brilliant.


I do indeed. Another round?


He he. I’m liking this already. HH can wait, for now- it will be much easier doing this now, I think. For everyone.

Except maybe C3PO.



***Eugh, at least, translates well between penguins, orangutans and anything else with a wet throat.


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