Between Worlds

.

..

“Spider.”

“Viculim”

“Spi-der.”

“Vi-culim.”

“Spiii-ddduuu-“

“-no! NO! Just because you say it slower does not mean you’re right. It’s a damn vi-Cu-Lim! Viculim! That is it!”

“But it’s a spider! Anyone can see that. It’s got the legs and everything.”

“Arachnid, my friend. Eight legs makes it an arachnid. And it’s not an arachnid, because arachnids come from planet Earth, and this does not come from planet Earth.”

“So what makes it not a spider?”

“The fact that it’s a viculim. Which is, among other things, one definition of not being a spider. A spider could not live here-“

“Prove it.”

“…do you want me to hit you? Because I can and I will, if you do not promptly accept that this is not a goddamn SPIDER!”

“Alright! Alright. Vicuim. I get it. Now what?”

“Shut up and listen. Please. This is important.”

“Got anything I can eat…?”

“…”

“…you can stop glaring at me…please…”

“…as I was saying. This here is a viculim. One of the oldest living things in the entirety of existence. It is, in fact, older than the lb’thsmo*, but not quite so old as the boobaronny***.”

“What’s a boobaronny?”

“Don’t ask. The viculim came into being approximately three quasi-seconds after the boobaronny, which makes them very old indeed- part of the very fabric of existence, even. Without them, everything would be all over the place.”

“…everything is all over the place. That’s how we know it exists…”

“Exactly!”

“What?”

“You heard me. The thread they produce is what holds it all together. Don’t ask me how- no one has worked out a way of finding out what the stuff is made of****. It’s best just to let them get on with it.”

“Gotcha.”

“Believe it or not, the viculim inhabit everywhere. From Earth to the furthest sun. You just can’t see them 49% of the time, because of dimensions. That and they don’t like things that aren’t smaller than the average rodent. They tend to think with their stomachs.”

At this point I receive a very long Look.

“Very interesting…what does it have to with me?”

“The reason the viculim inhabit everywhere is due to the existence of the threads they produce. At some point, in every location that has yet existed, a viculim has traveled there and joined it to it’s previous destination via its thread. In a sense, a highway exists between worlds for any vicilum that wishes to use it. They can go anywhere. Provided it still exists.”

“Ah, alright. I get it.”

“Get what?”

“Why you’ve been telling me all this.”

“Really? But I hadn’t even revealed it to you.”

“Revealed what?”

“You’ll see.”

“But I’ve already seen it. It’s in front of me right now.”

“Oh, that’s not it. Believe me, you’ll know it when you see it.”

“…so what was the point of all that talk about sp- OW!! – then?”

“Because they’re interesting.”

“Ugh…”

“…Womble? WOMBLE!”

..

.

 

W

*Scholars of every universe and perception have debated at great lengths over the origins of the incredibly shy, yet infamously omnipresent, lb’tssmo. Some believe it is a celestial accident- the result of a sneeze during the Creation of Everything**-  whilst others cite it as simply being the satanic equivalent of Leonardo Da Vinci, gifted beyond measure for a member of it’s kind. One thing they all agree on is that it was only named the lb’thsmo because “little bastard that hides small objects” simply took too long to pronounce at the time of creation.

**The Creation of Everything is arguably the simplest of all creation myths, scorned by the majority of religions and beloved of all atheists. It’s a polite way of saying “I don’t actually care.”

***Don’t ask.

****Various religions, on the other hand, have assumed all sorts of things. Among the most common is the idea that the thread produced by the viculim is the physical embodiment of Fate; among the least common is that it’s the same stuff that welds sticker residue to the surface of anything that, post-application, immediately looks better without it.

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