Franc. Please stop laughing. We’re at the bottom of the damn ocean. I would prefer not to be. I’m beyond caring that it would no longer allow you to draw observational comparisons between my current state and a cartoon sponge.
Give me a fix, so that I can get on with anything else besides this. It’s boring.
…listen. I’ve already told you. I don’t know what happened. I can guess, if you want, but I never learnt anything about this in GCSE science. Unfortunately. My guess is that the slugs around Rapture did something to me. That’s it.
Do you want my creds* or not? This stuff isn’t common. There’s five different types of bullet, a Bible, some twigs…I don’t know how the thumb got there, mind, but that’s rare too. The nail’s engraved with a little butterfly, see? Rare. Amazing bit of work. Don’t tell me this isn’t worth your time.
Now, be careful when you use that…otherwise it’ll melt right off, see? I’ve seen what this does to armor. Only reason I’m still alive. You don’t want to know the rest. Just patch me up and forget you ever came here.
…it’s toxic, too, I think. I don’t really know- I’m not going to die from it. I’m definitely avoiding CPR from now on. Might need to find a substitute, thinking about it. I need someone to stay alive. If he ever needs the breath of life, I’m screwed. But you don’t sell pets…***
How about aquatic vehicles? No? But I thought you sold everything.
Not in stock? How can they be “not in stock”? I thought you didn’t keep stock! I thought that was the point. You only have what the customer’s after. I’m after one.
How the hell do you think I’m going to leave this place otherwise…?
…what do you mean, “walk”?
* (**) Creds- short for “credit”: as Franc doesn’t ever have to actually buy anything, he doesn’t see the point in owning currency. Instead, he’ll take some of whatever’s in the customer’s pockets at the time, defined as “credit” because “assorted-junk-and/or-valuable-commodities-belonging-to-the-customer-at-this-given-time” is far too wordy. Womble has never yet encountered Franc whilst lacking pockets.
**Yep. I’m back. Miss me?
***Womble is correct. Franc does not sell pets. The only thing capable of surviving the bizarre environment within Franc’s duffel bag would be the blink dog, and blink dogs don’t make very good pets. They give a whole new meaning to the phrase “it ran off again”…