Carrot Bomb

I love rabbits me. Great little people they are. I know a lot of them. They’re with me now. Say hi. They said hi. I love rabbits me. They’re great.

I guess you think I’ve had too many tequilas. And in my defense…maybe I have. I don’t like tequila. But you can’t say no. There’s something in that furry little face that says…would you like another one? And I, being a gentleman and all…well, I say yes.

Hold on a sec. Rabbit man’s come over. What is it? You wanna go? But I’m liking it here. They like me here. Everyone’s a happy bunny. ‘specially you rabbit man. You’re a bunny. Huh huh.

Was at? You think they’re trying to eat me? Don’t be stupid, of course they’re trying. Why do you think I’m tied up like this? I didn’t marinade myself before coming here, did I? You should know. You were driving an all.

Relax. No panic. I told ’em, they won’t get very far. I’m not a carrot, see? I taste bad. I don’t actually know that, mind, but I haven’t tried. If I haven’t tried to eat me, I can’t taste very good to anyone. I eat rabbit, for crying out loud. No panic. See?

He’s giving me a funny look. Stop that. Stop that at once. I don’t like it. Why aren’t they eating you? You must taste horrible. Ye-ugh. That’s done my stomach in, just thinking about what you taste like. Can’t see why they’re trying me, though.

Good thing I’ve got me umbrella. That thing is useful. It’s great at keeping me dry. What more do you need? I love my umbrella, me. Mary Poppins can get lost. No chance of her getting it. I told her, time and time again, don’t go losing your umbrella, ’cause you ‘ain’t getting mine.

I don’t know why I have it, to be honest. It’s always kind of there. Like the oxygen tank on an astronaut. I don’t exist without my umbrella, me. It’s bloody helpful. Keeps me dry and all, see?

Anyway. Enough of this idle chit chat. Time to get out of here, quick-like. I like it on Rabbit World, I do. Be a shame to ruin it for them, once they discover how bad I taste like. Not good for a guest. They were expecting quality. But what can you do? I don’t know.

Right. Time to find a sharp rock and escape route. I hate these bloody tunnels. Rabbits, eh?


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